Acceptance of the self

The theme that Hobonichi chose for next year is "you love you?". At first, it sounded cheesy to me, but follow the link and read what Shigesato Itoi has to say about it. A small excerpt:

“I Love Me” might come across as narcissistic. But if someone asked me “You Love You?” then it would be easy to say, “you and me both!”
Making it a question means it’s not a command, only something you ask in a playful way, with a smile on your face.

The word “you” is both singular and plural, so that I could be addressing you directly or everyone as a whole. I appreciate that too.

The phrase “You Love You?” is two sprawling sides connected in the middle with love. You could also write it like “U♡U”, and find other ways to play with the words like toys.

For me, it's key that the English 'you' can be plural as well (that wouldn't work in my own language, Dutch) because a problem I have with personal development, personal growth, self-love, whatever you want to call it, is this: it's too often a mostly egocentric endeavour.

I've come to loathe the hyper-individualistic tendencies of current Western society, but at the same time, I cannot deny that there is value in improving yourself as a person, but mostly in the service of making society a nicer place. This last bit is key, I feel.

Be a better person, so you can be a better person to the people around you.

Without reading self-help books, or doing conscious personal development work, I have managed to take big steps this year (being my own judge here, sorry). I am accepting myself as I am, and trusting myself to be good enough as a human being.

A large part of my adult life so far was spent being riddled by self-doubt. Partly inflicted by myself, partly because I took opinions of other people too seriously.

I thought I wasn't good enough, held myself up to standards I could never reach.

In the past 1.5 years, journaling slowly helped me realise that this was a dead-end. Doubt and criticism are an endless well of misery. What if I stopped indulging and did a Uno reverse on myself?

I'm now reaping the benefits of a choice I didn't consciously make, that makes this whole thing extra hilarious.

I'm more confident at work, giving less shits about what other people think I should do, and I do things that past me would have endlessly criticised.

Is my inner critic gone? Nope.

She's here, shouting at times. I just shrug and ignore whatever she is saying. That is an option, you know. Again, this doesn't have a 100% success rate (we all have our limitations), but seeing that there is a choice is half the battle.

As a result of learning to ignore the inner and outer critics more and more, I feel much happier and accomplished. I think I'm doing better work now, more meaningful and more impactful.

The risk here is obvious, of course: don't become cocky. It is still possible to make mistakes, to be wrong. So not all criticism should be casually tossed aside. But again: it is possible to take criticism at face value without descending to a pit of emotional despair and misery.

All this is possible without therapy, without reading tons of self-help books. You do need to be willing to look inside, and I can't recommend handwriting strong enough. This has only been made possible by my journaling habit, I'm 100% sure of it.

When I write about my day, or a certain encounter, I can zoom out into an observant state. I can relive the thing from a dispassionate point of view, analyse it, write some suggestions on what I could have done differently. Do this often enough, and patterns emerge. Choices become clearer. It's truly magical.

The magic has transformed me, and as a result, I am a much more willing to do things that benefit people around me. I dared to join the board of my orchestra, something I highly doubt I would have been able to do a year ago. Self-doubt is a hurdle bigger than you imagine. Getting rid of it is freeing for yourself and for others.

Your path will look different from mine, but trusting that you are doing the right and worthwhile things in life and work is very much worth it as a reward. Go walk that path and let me know how it goes.